KB Loves Wild Animals

This week’s KB Loves This was supposed to be about frozen food but something just happened to me that forced me to change my topic.

I was attacked by a rabid bat.

I mean, sort of.

I mean, not really but that’s what it felt like was going to happen.

And since this is the third separate wild animal that has tried to kill me this summer, I figured this was a karmic issue that I needed to address head on.

I LOVE WILD ANIMALS.

There. I said it. Now will you stop trying to kill me?

Let me rehash:

1. Barn Swallows

            I think we all remember the Barn Swallow Incident of 2012. If not, click here. The crisis, for the most part, is over but I still wake up in cold sweats thinking of those beady little eyes and razor sharp beaks.

2. Mice

            As embarrassing as this is for me to say, I am one of those terribly annoying girls that shriek at the sight of a mouse. I didn’t think I would be but I was proved wrong when a mouse found its way into the pool house (for all you Health Inspectors reading this, it has since been taken care of). Anyway, I’m sitting in the guardhouse minding my own business when a band of screaming Native Americans runs in (this isn’t racist because it was the kids from the Pierre Indian Learning Center, aka my favorite kids ever). They had chased the mouse into the guard house and Raeann and I spent the next twenty minutes standing on stools taking comically exaggerated swipes at inanimate objects with brooms in the off chance the mouse was hiding there.

3. Bats

            This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I went to see the Pierre Players productions of “Quilts” which includes my boss and friend, Paula. Everything was going great until OUT OF NOWHERE a bat flew out from the back of the stage to RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD. Apparently other people in Pierre are not as aware of animals as I am because everyone else sat in their seat like nothing had happened. In the meantime, I was crouched under mine starring at the ceiling while Raeann was covering her head with her sweatshirt. Needless to say, the rest of the play was lost on me as I spent the remainder of the time peeking into corners and preparing to cover my Jugular Vein and Carotid Artery from the sharp fangs of the bat.

So that’s it. Animals, you win.

I’m afraid to get into my car because I know a girl who had a snake get in through the wheel well. I won’t check under things because I know a guy who was bitten by a rattlesnake checking under his car. I’m afraid to go into my garage at night because of every television show where I’ve seen possums and raccoons sleeping in the rafters. I’m afraid to lay under a tree in case a squirrel jumps onto my face. Next thing you know I won’t be able to leave my house because a vicious roly-poly bug is blocking my door.

So this is my attempt to turn my karma around. Dear Lord, please let it work.