Bachelor Party

It’s been a busy two weeks. Not because Katie has done anything with her life (let’s be honest, that doesn’t happen). Instead, she’s been around, ruining various people’s lives.

Last week we drove down to Sioux Falls where Katie met up with Rae. When most people get together with their friends, they hang out, go out to diner, talk. What do Katie and Raeann do? Go to Raeann’s school where Rae gave Katie an hour long ultra-sound during which time Raeann told Katie she had a “nice” uterus and the “best left kidney” she’d ever seen. Seriously. What is wrong with these people?

The next day they met up with Jim and drove down to Ames for their friend Meintsma’s bachelor party. Katie is the best man in the wedding while Raeann and Jim are naught but humble groomsmen. If you’re confused as to why someone would pick Katie to be their best man, you’re not the only one. What kind of idiot puts Katie in any position of power? It’s clearly not going to end well.

This. This is the idiot who put katie in charge 

To no one’s surprise, the bachelor party Katie threw was kind of a disaster. It was kind of like The Hangover minus the roofies and the tiger. Without giving away too much, there was copious amounts of alcohol, broken things, missing things, missing people, and cops who were giant assholes. Case in point: someone was threatened with a public intox in a bar (is that even legal?) while someone else was threatened with jail time for declining to hand over their ID. To make matters even better, the cops were wearing flac jackets. Like, seriously?

Pretty much the cops from that night 

While I could stop my story of Katie’s supreme idiocy here (I’ve clearly proven my point that she sucks) I feel it is my duty to share one more thing with you in the hopes that you’ll agree with me and help me send Katie to a mental institution to get the help she so clearly needs. While laying in bed in Ames, Katie and Raeann had an hour long conversation that alternated between them making cat noises and talking about where they would hide poop in unsuspecting people’s houses.

 There is clearly something very wrong with them

Yeah, you heard right. Do you think I can buy straight jacket’s on eBay or is there a specialty store I should be looking at?

Finally, Katie and I are stuck in Pierre because Mother Nature is going through menopause. Two weeks ago it was hot enough for Katie to wear shorts (and show off her repulsively pale legs) but this week we got dumped on with over a foot of snow followed up by a full day of sleet. On the plus side though, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Katie trying to run a snow blower while wearing a men’s camouflage coat at least 3 sizes to big. It’s sights like that that help me make it through the day.

I hope you all have learned some important lessons from me today, i.e. having Katie in your life is sure to bring nothing but misery. Until next week, I’m Ivan Denisovich. God bless.