She Almost Died... But Didn't

I’m going to keep it short and sweet this week. My week sucked. Katie sucks. My life sucks.

The only thing of note was that Katie’s aunt and uncle came up this past weekend to visit. She went on a hike with her two uncles and in her out-of-shape state, almost died of exhaustion. 

Never go anywhere without your binoculars

One does not simply go hiking without binoculars

She also had multiple opportunities to fall out of trees as she climbed them to check owl boxes. No such luck.

Look at that, one broken branch or one angry owl and I would have been FREE 

Also, her uncles took her to one of the highest cliffs in Harding County. I assume this was done in an attempt to murder her and make it look like an accident. I even tried to help. Once again, no luck.

 You can't really see me but I'm the blob by her hip trying to push her off the top

Later in the week, we watched the VP debate. Katie, pretentiously, tweeted a bunch of things about the debate like she was somehow smarter than everyone else. As with everything she says, it was ignorant #malarkey.

The only other thing I have to note is that Satan has recently gotten into French music. If you’re thinking to yourself, “geez, I didn’t know Katie spoke French…” You’re right! She doesn’t. She claims she just “likes the way it sounds.” What an idiot. I’m sure it’s another pathetic attempt to appear cultured. Don’t let her act fool you. Seriously, just ask her to pronounce “bouillabaisse.”

 I'm literally rolling my eyes.

That’s all for now, folks. Hopefully by this time next week I’ll be lying in a ditch somewhere dying rather than under the “care” of Katie Buhler. I’m Ivan Denisovich. God bless.