It’s been a busy two weeks. Not because Katie has done
anything with her life (let’s be honest, that doesn’t happen). Instead, she’s
been around, ruining various people’s lives.
Last week we drove down to Sioux Falls where Katie met up
with Rae. When most people get together with their friends, they hang out, go
out to diner, talk. What do Katie and Raeann do? Go to Raeann’s school where
Rae gave Katie an hour long ultra-sound during which time Raeann told Katie she
had a “nice” uterus and the “best left kidney” she’d ever seen. Seriously. What
is wrong with these people?
The next day they met up with Jim and drove down to Ames for
their friend Meintsma’s bachelor party. Katie is the best man in the wedding
while Raeann and Jim are naught but humble groomsmen. If you’re confused as to
why someone would pick Katie to be their best man, you’re not the only one.
What kind of idiot puts Katie in any position of power? It’s clearly not going
to end well.
To no one’s surprise, the bachelor party Katie threw was kind
of a disaster. It was kind of like The
Hangover minus the roofies and the tiger. Without giving away too much,
there was copious amounts of alcohol, broken things, missing things, missing
people, and cops who were giant assholes. Case in point: someone was threatened
with a public intox in a bar (is that even legal?) while someone else was
threatened with jail time for declining to hand over their ID. To make matters
even better, the cops were wearing flac jackets. Like, seriously?
While I could stop my story of Katie’s supreme idiocy here
(I’ve clearly proven my point that she sucks) I feel it is my duty to share one
more thing with you in the hopes that you’ll agree with me and help me send
Katie to a mental institution to get the help she so clearly needs. While
laying in bed in Ames, Katie and Raeann had an hour long conversation that
alternated between them making cat noises and talking about where they would
hide poop in unsuspecting people’s houses.
Yeah, you heard right. Do you think I can buy straight
jacket’s on eBay or is there a specialty store I should be looking at?
Finally, Katie and I are stuck in Pierre because Mother
Nature is going through menopause. Two weeks ago it was hot enough for Katie to
wear shorts (and show off her repulsively pale legs) but this week we got
dumped on with over a foot of snow followed up by a full day of sleet. On the
plus side though, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Katie trying to run a
snow blower while wearing a men’s camouflage coat at least 3 sizes to big. It’s
sights like that that help me make it through the day.
I hope you all have learned some important lessons from me
today, i.e. having Katie in your life is sure to bring nothing but misery. Until
next week, I’m Ivan Denisovich. God bless.